Success in college is an interesting question. I had a really difficult first year. Multiple Cs and two lessons I had to repeat. I was placed on academic probation. I wasn't involved in any clubs or extracurricular activities. Adjusting to college after high school was very difficult. The two were absolutely nothing alike. I considered it an objective failure. I hadn't learned much and was doing terrible in my classes. But I sat down and collected myself. I put a lot of time into my classes and really put in the effort. I went from academic probation to dean's list. D to A. My cumulative GPA is currently 3.6. It would be 4.0 to 3.99 if I ignored my first semester. On top of all that, I joined the robotics team here at NIU. My parents are proud of me and consider me. Internships are a big deal in engineering and I haven't managed to get one yet. Experience seems to take precedence over everything else and I panic when I become a junior without an internship. Classes have seen an increase in difficulty, and for the first time in a while I'm not confident in my understanding of the material, no matter how much I talk to my teaching assistants or professors. Not that my previous semesters were easy, I had calculus and calculus-based physics, those types of classes that eliminated. But things continue to escalate in difficulty. Do the lessons and concepts build on each other, and if I'm not preparing myself for future lessons am I really setting myself up for success? I don't feel successful, I feel worried. At the same time my parents talk about how impressed they are and I see employers circle my GPA when they look at my resume, but it looks blank. I feel like I have to spend more and more time in school because of the poorer grades. But it's something I have to deal with. I can't just give up and give up everything. I feel like I have cognitive dissonance, one side of my brain is trying to tell me I'm doing great and the other half is freaking crazy