It's been a month since the accident and I had decided to go back to school. They were taking their homework home just so they wouldn't fall behind. Amber then saw me feeling the funeral for the first time and leaned over to the wheelchair and hugged me. She was telling me how happy she was that I was here with her. Everyone went back to their lives, which made me sad. That everyone kept going when my Mathew wasn't here. I went to the bathroom and cried for him for the first time. I had never let anyone in like I had Mathew; I had never been with a man like Mathew and again I would never find anyone so special again. I knew I would miss him for the rest of my life. I knew I would always thank him. Everyone was trying to talk to be nice to me, but I didn't want anything to do with anyone but Amanda. She was always there for me and she was new that I just needed a long time before I could even come close to begging for a real conversation and Amanda was already new and I would never be the same after everything that happened in the last month. Summer was only a month away, so I knew I could at least put up with all that time begging with people who reminded me of Mathew. I could never see another couple together otherwise it would make me cry again. Everything made me sad and I felt like I could never get over it. It was in my dreams every night too, but I felt like I was reliving the car accident every time I went to sleep. I was so afraid of falling asleep that I finally tried not sleeping to just say wake up, which didn't last long until my body put me to sleep. At school all the teachers were very understanding and only gave me A's on everything and I didn't expect to care about s... half the paper... the next day I went to see Mathew, Timothy was there to see someone. It made me sad that someone I had a crush on was there and I was with my ex. Timothy then came over and touched my back as I cried at Mathew's grave how sorry I was for comparing someone else. Timothy told me everything would be okay and took me in her arms as I got up from the chair weak and she took me back to my house. Timothy was a kind person just like Mathew which made me think of both of them. Deep down, I knew Mathew would want me happy, but I couldn't let him go yet. I couldn't bear to let Mathew go. I knew that one day I would be ready, but I wasn't ready yet. Every day I lived I was blessed. I was so lucky to even be live, which scares me the most. If Mathew had not been the man he was I would have died that day and would not have been able to tell my story.