22:35 It's quiet. Everyone is sleeping. The only sound is turning the page and turning the pen as I write notes. The room is dark, only the light of a small lamp with the lampshade facing me is on, so I don't have to turn on the much brighter light on the ceiling. I settle into my "study area", that is, the seat on the sofa next to the table with the lamp; a blanket and pillow on my lap to support my notebook and whatever text I'm studying. This is my ritual, night after night. It's about starting early every morning after only a few hours of sleep. Always up before six, I have the whole day ahead of me! Any doubts about my tiredness can be cleared away by the dark circles under my eyes and the obvious sleep deprivation written all over my face. I'm frustrated and in tears. I scream to myself, “I can't do this! What was I thinking? I'm too old, I don't have time and I'm definitely not smart enough”! All these thoughts bounce around in my head like a ball in a pinball machine but I'm the one who's about to go "tilt". At 39 I decided to resume my studies with the intention of graduating. Why? Why am I pushing, forcing myself to read the chapter again, to find more examples of algebra problems, or to practice writing HTML code that isn't even assigned? Why do I fight fatigue every day when I could easily take a nap instead of torturing myself trying to write the perfect paper for a psychology course that has nothing to do with my major? What contributed to this decision to not only return to school after nearly 20 years, but to attack it with the intensity of a speeding 18-wheeler going down a steep mountain? Folly? Probably. I never got an "A-ha!" moment when I told myself that ... middle of paper ...... the Japanese see the productivity results they are looking for on paper, they don't care how the results are achieved. FPI took away many things like my dignity and self-esteem, replacing them with a clinical depressive disorder. A chaotic work schedule kept me away from my family when I needed them and they needed me. While my time there was tumultuous, it was also a learning experience – it was the beginning of the end. The end of how I wanted to live my life. The end of being vilified. I knew I never wanted to work in a factory again. I also never wanted to be dependent on anyone again, but I longed to be my own boss. Short of winning the lottery or marrying a millionaire, the only way I can do that is to educate myself further. So here I am; exhausted and weak, I am ready to learn. I'm ready for the new beginning.